is to me beautiful, lovely, stimulating
attractive and an enchantment.
Paul Gallico
An honourable Cat
Arabic ** Kitte
Armenian ** Gatz
Basque ** Catua
Chinese ** Miu or mio
Danish ** Kat
Dutch **Kat
Hindi ** Billi
Finnish ** Kissa
French ** Chat
German ** Katti, ket or katze
Greek ** Gatta
Icelandic ** Kottur
Italian ** Gatto
Japanese ** Neko
Latin ** Felis or cattus
Norwegian ** Gatt
Polish ** Kott
Portuguese ** Gato
Russian ** Kotz or Koshka
Spanish ** Gato
Swedish ** Katt
Rules For Cats Who Have a House to Run
To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and scratch the frame.
You may also reach under the door and pull
clothing towards you; silks get the quickest reaction.
Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it.
After you have ordered an "outside" door opened,
stand halfway in and out and think about several things.
This is particularly important during very cold weather,
when it's raining or snowing, or during the height of the mosquito
season.
Swinging doors must be avoided at all costs.
CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to urp,
get to an overstuffed chair quickly.
If you cannot manage this in time, get to an Oriental rug.
If there are no Oriental rugs, shag is a good substitute.
When urping on shag, be sure you project;
it is a must that it stretch for as long as a human's bare foot.
BATHROOMS: Always accompany everyone, especially guests,
to the bathroom. (See Rule I.)
It is not necessary to do anything - just sit and stare.
GUESTS: Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most.
Sit on that human's lap. If you can, arrange to have
"Friskies Fish 'n' Glop" on your breath.
For sitting on laps or rubbing against clothing,
select fabric color which contrasts well with your fur.
For example: white furred cats go to black wool clothing.
For the guest who claims, "I love kitties,"
be ready with aloof disdain; apply claws to stockings
or use a quick nip on the ankle.
When walking among the dishes onthe dinner table,
be prepared to look surprised and hurt when scolded.
The idea is to convey, "But you always allow me
on the table when company isn't here."
HELPING: If one of your humans is engaged in some
semi-closed activity and the other is idle,
stay with the busy one. This is called "helping";
humans are known to refer to it as hampering".
The following are the rules for "helping":
a) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the
left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and
thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on
and then picked up and comforted.
b) For book readers, get in close under the chin,
between human's eyes and book, unless you can lie
across the book itself. If it is a newspaper, claw at
it until shredded. Your human will appreciate that
you have another home-made toy.
c) For knitting projects or paperwork,
lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as
to obscure as much of the work or at least the most
important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often
reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles or
split the yarn. The worker may try to distract you; ignore
it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery
and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite
of what the humans may tell you.
d) For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working
on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity),
keep in mind the aim - - to help!
First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged,
watch sadly from the side of the table.
When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers,
scattering them to the best of your ability.
After being removed for the second time, push pens,
pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.
e) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her,
be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.
PLAY: It is important. Get enough sleep in the daytime so you
are fresh for playing catch mouse or king-of-the-hill on the human's
bed between 2 and 4 am.
WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close
as possible in front of the human. Especially effective
places to strike are:
1) On stairs, when they have something in their arms;
2) In the dark; and
3) When they first get up in the morning. This exercise
helps with improving their coordination skills.
BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night.
If there are two (or more) of you, book end the
human putting off the greatest heat. They will try and
squirm but your sheer numbers and inert bodies will
effectively keep them pinned.
COMPUTERS: Rule no. 1: Only show interest in computers that are turned ON,
the operator will need your help.
Rule no. 2: Monitors are bad for human eyes.
It might ruin your owner's sight and cause them to
buy less cat food. Always get in between the monitor and the
person operating the computer. For best results,
stand as close to the monitor as possible.
If you are removed, go and sulk in a corner for a minute,
then repeat. Look as innocent as possible.
Rule no. 3: Keyboards are great to lie down on.
Make yourself as comfortable as possible. Marching over
the keyboard several times is fun too.
Practice aiming at alt-F4, N, and ctrl-alt-del.
Rule no. 4: Always chase the mouse.
Your owner can't blame you for this, since it's your
feline instinct to chase mice.
Rule no. 5: Floppy disks make great scratching posts.
Nothing beats floppies when it's time to sharpen your nails.
MOST IMPORTANT: Begin human training early.
You will then have a smooth-running household.
Humans need to know the basic rules you have
established for them. They can be taught if you
start early and are consistent.
adorable page is. If anyone knows, please
e-mail me, so I can give credit where
credit is due - thanks!
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